Favourite festive jokes

[sam_leader]

Darth Vadar: Luke, I know what you are getting for Christmas.

Luke Skywalker: How, Lord Vadar?

DV: Because, Luke.... I have felt your presents.

Gets me every time!

Can you do better?

[David Head]

Optimist vs. Pessimist

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one said it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, one Christmas their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room was loaded with horse manure.

On Christmas morning the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying.

"Why are you crying?" the father asked.

"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure.

"What are you so happy about?" he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"

[Ruth_MouthinOff]

Q. Why is Christmas alot like the office?
A. You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Have a wonderful, fun-filled Christmas!

[FionaFell]

3 Wise Women:
Do you know what would have happened if it had been Three Wise
Women instead of Three Wise Men?

They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver
the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought
practical gifts.


AND

'Twas the Night Before Christmas
T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care.
They'd been worn all week and needed the air.