Setting boundaries to reduce stress

Boundaries

Putting your foot down remains a challenge for lots of soloists, but setting boundaries is a great way to reduce stress and limit how often we overwork.

Clearly-set boundaries help other people to understand how you want to be treated. They are the rules that apply when others deal with you and your business and once set are a proven way to reduce stress.

Many of us aren’t good at establishing these boundaries, something that probably stems from way back in our childhoods. As children we were taught that other people’s needs were more important than ours - that we should obey adults without question. We were rewarded for pleasing other people and sacrificing our own needs. Sometimes we put ourselves last because we dislike conflict, or because we don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings.

This behaviour of putting ourselves last contributes significantly to why we fail to set boundaries. It’s such a habit that we find it really difficult to tell people what we want.

The good news is that breaking bad habits and setting boundaries are learnable skills - ones that can make a huge positive difference to the quality of the independent professional’s life and reduce stress. Here’s five ways to help you feel more in control of your business and restore the balance between your clients needs and your own.

1. Be clear about what you do and what you don’t do

If something is outside the bounds of your normal scope of work, then simply say so. It is easy to get caught up agreeing to do unusual things or one-offs that take up a lot of extra time. Your time is valuable and you want to spend it accordingly.

2. Be clear about your on-call hours

If you are one of these soloists who is basically on call 24/7, then I believe you are doing yourself - and your clients - a disservice. It’s just as important that you have time away from the business as time in it. Communicate your available hours widely, and let your voicemail take messages outside of those times. Really – turn the phone off!

3. Set payment terms that put you in charge

Outstanding debtors can be a huge source of stress for solo professionals. If people aren’t respecting your payment terms you need to let them know that this is unacceptable. Be clear upfront about what your terms are (actually advise new customers verbally), and consider using payment options that give you control (e.g. credit card payment and direct debits).

4. Setting expectations about deadlines

You are in control of your diary, not your clients. If you find yourself consistently working excessive hours, or longer than you want, then you are taking on more work than you can manage. It’s time to stop doing this! If you really want the work, then you’ll need to hire in some assistance. It’s all about putting yourself on an equal footing with your business. You are no good to anyone stressed out and under too much pressure.

5. Practice makes perfect – Just say no!

Don’t feel uncomfortable about saying no to an unreasonable request. And guess what? You don’t need to explain why. After all, we don’t offer an explanation when we say yes.

Implementing these simple practices of setting boundaires will help you to regain control of your schedule, your time and your workload. Asking for what you really want - and getting it - is one of the advantages of being an adult! Remember: your business, your rules.

Megan Tough runs Complete Potential, a company that helps businesses solve their strategy and people problems. She loves being a solopreneur, and when she doesn't have her nose to the grindstone, is fulfilling her other passion of fitness and health.

5 comments | Add your own

We love boundary and saying no items on FS and won't rest until every soloist can put their foot down with confidence! But it's not easy as it's often deemed impolite. I heard a good point on the radio yesterday: when people are asked if they'd like a coffee, often they decline by saying "I'm fine, thanks" which is all well and good, but does not answer the question. I know I'm guilty of it. From now on I will respond correctly with a simple "No thanks." Sam Leader from Sydney, Australia
The issue of "boundaries" is the main reason for burnout, especially for those of us who have learned the people-pleasing way of working, especially when a hefty dose of perfectionism is thrown into the mix . This year, I have learned that setting my own terms and saying "no" to - or sometimes re-negotiating - opportunities that fall outside the parameters of what I now know actually "works" in my business, felt risky at first, but actually opened up a whole new level of confidence, power, clarity and choice. Once that happens, a new challenge arises: consequences of having and owning choice and power. This is another interesting topic, which challenges us to further articulate and realise: PURPOSE! Sue Tsigaros from Sydney, Australia
The longer I am in business the more I am learning the importance of boundaries and saying No. Reminding myself why I started my own business in the first place and the level of satisfaction I want to gain from it helps me get back on track with boundaries. No money in the world can compensate me for wasting the best years of my life running, my self ragged bending over backwards being a people pleaser, only to acheive what? someone elses goals? No way! Thats it no more stressing over work that will not bring me any closer to my personal and business goals. Heather Mandich from Wollongong NSW
I am very new to the solo world, and discovered the joys of boundaries with my first potential client. After writing a proposal, setting the fee and payment structure, I could see (after my second meeting with them) that they were trying to take advantage of my newness by ignoring my process (either conciously or sub-concsiously). I could also see that the experience would have ended in grief (mine), so I just cut my losses. I now have 4 criteria that potential customers must meet in order for me to take them on - it has made me clear about who I want to do business with. I am glad I had this experience now, rather than later! Diane from Adelaide SA
This is really flying solo 101 through 606. This is what we do it all for, so if we can live this we're where we want to be. I'm making changes right now! karen from melbourne, australia

5 comments | Add your own

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