Saying the hardest word

Sam Leader John-Paul and I got carried away at an auction last week. Luckily we weren't buying a house. Instead we were purchasing orchids.

I didn't realise just how carried away until I went to collect them. I was convinced we'd been given the wrong lot. Starting to mount my high horse, I said to the lady in charge "There must be a mistake! There’s no way we bought all those."

"Yes you did." she said.

"But that’s impossible!" I went on ranting until, hearing the kerfuffle, John-Paul came over…and put me straight. That was in fact our lot.

I wasn't sure how to react. Should I continue to argue, although I knew I was wrong? Should I walk away, without acknowledging my rudeness? Both options crossed my mind, but eventually I unpursed my lips, and did the right thing.

I apologised.

I was genuinely sorry, actually. The lady relaxed her face and smiled in acceptance.

On reflection, I am ashamed that saying sorry wasn't automatic. Why the knee jerk of self-preservation over a simple apology? I'm well brought up with a good moral compass. I'm not an infant…. So what's going on?

I have no excuses and accept that I should have automatically apologised but didn't. However now that I've taken it on the chin, I do also think society actively discourages us from admitting we're wrong.

My greenslip small print, for example, basically says "if you cause an accident, don't accept any responsibility, and say nothing until the police arrive." Lucky-ee-e to be with them? I'm not so sure.

Often when making a cutting comment, whether it's to a supplier, a business acquaintance or a loved one, we conveniently ignore our impact on another's feelings and may even blame them for 'making' us say it.

Swallowing pride and apologising is far from a sign of weakness, in fact the orchid experience has taught me that the reverse is true.

Saying sorry and meaning it is a truly noble and courageous act. What's more it's good manners, the Right Thing To Do and importantly, a balm for hurt feelings.

If we were all just a bit braver about saying it, I bet you a boot full of orchids the world would be a better place.

What do you think? Am I onto something or does this smack of naivety? Let me know via a comment.

Until next week.

Love your work,

Sam Leader is a director of Flying Solo and its editor. She is the co-author of Flying Solo - How to go it alone in business.

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"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" we were taught in childhood. I have always believed this to be true - you did the right thing in apologising. My husband's business involves a lot of public interaction and the number of times staff have been in tears because the customer ranted about something (when the customer was in the wrong) and made the staff feel as if it was their fault, is uncountable. If only people would step back and think it through first, then be nice about any confusion, everything would be much better. On the other hand, I have experienced times when apologies have meant that not only is everyone happier, but a nice bonus ends up in an unexpected way to the person who apologised. Karen from Springwood NSW
There is nothing wrong with saying sorry! Just this one small word can overcome huge barriers of assumed wrongs and clear the air between people. If the intended person refuses to accept an apology then you know inside yourself that you have done what is right and the problem becomes theirs. Leaving a difficult situation with a clear conscience makes all the difference to a person's day, so if you feel you are in the wrong,saying sorry and meaning it covers all bases. Tracey from Gulgong
I agree with what you say. Unfortunately it is not reflected in how our society appears to be developing.
There appears to be an 'I am owed' mentality, an 'entitled' attitude to life. As to why this has happened there may be a number of causes. Including an increasing move towards a 'nanny' state where the government feels it has the right/duty to protect us from the 'bad' elements in society; it may reflect an increasingly litigious society where if someone has made a mistake (real or imagined) we are entitled to compensation?; Could it be because the media is constantly trumpeting our 'rights', but conveniently forgets to mention our'responsibilities'?; maybe it reflects our frustration as individuals feeling that we can't cope in a world where we seem to have less and less control.
Whether it is all of these, some of these, or even none of these and something else instead I couldn't say for sure.
In the end, the only one thing we can do is choose our actions. Which means we can choose affirm our 'rights' or whether we treat others as we would like to be treated.
Yes, I do think you are being naive, but I would rather deal/associate with people like you, where common courtesy is not uncommon, than deal/associate with people who believe their rights are more important than their responsibilities.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to get on my soapbox. I hope my opinion was of value to you and your readers. Adam Treharne from Sydney
Lucky-ee-e to be with them? I'm not so sure.
Totally different issue . One is an apology the other is admiting liability . You can severely affect your legal rights accepting responsibility for an accident.
A DELLER from MELBOURNE
We have just sacked a builder midway during a renovation because he couldn't accept responsibility for any mistakes. He blamed everyone else instead of himself when something wasn't done properly. For instance he blamed us when our new windows were hung lower than our front door (it looked really stupid and was an extreme lack of common sense). He said 'I only do what the customer tells me!'.
The icing on the cake for us was after he could couldn't account for over $3000 that we had paid him. Then he had the hide to blame us for not actually paying him the money. My wife and I then decided that night to fire him.
The next day he called to apologise and admitted responsibility – he said it was a big mix up. He sounded really sincere so we decided to give him an another opportunity. However the next day he went back on his apology and denied ever being paid the money – and only admitted responsibility to avoid an arguement.
He conceded the apology which in itself is an insult. The lack of sincerity was evident, so we sacked him.
Barry Parker from Umina Beach, NSW
Saying sorry isnt enough. The Law of Attraction teaches us to be gratiful for our lessons no matter how difficult they seem at the time. Unfortunately, society is quick to blame others and not learn from the lesson. Thankfully, you did say sorry and I hope you have also thanked the universe for this lesson. The customer isnt always right however, keep smiling until they realsie their mistake. Deborah from Pomona

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