Ideal clients? Man, you just gotta love big ones

Dear big, massive, ideal client,

Thank you for getting in touch to request a proposal for my services.

I felt very honoured – and just slightly lush – when you selected little old me to be officially added to your ‘strategic solutions partners preferred supplier list’.

Me, a humble solo business man that could feast for a year on just one crumb from your delicious blue chip, and you, a multinational solutions provider.

You had me at hello.

I dared not even whisper the words ‘lucrative monthly retainer’ for fear of scaring you away.

Yet I could already feel the warm plastic of fresh bank notes as you casually talked up the important, long-term strategic projects that you had in the pipeline for me to ‘roll out’ throughout Q3 and Q4.

I wasn’t the least bit worried when the first project was ‘parked’ due to a restructure of your department. These things happen.

I didn’t blink an eye when the three meetings we had to discuss company-wide project number two – code-named ‘Project Camelot’ – didn’t seem to lead anywhere. Just to be there amongst ‘senior business decision makers’ got my blood pumping.

I was even happy to re-present to your steering committee and ‘revisit my costings’ based on the change of scope mandated by the US office.

But I hit pay-dirt when you finally ‘pulled the trigger’ on our first beautiful project together. I remember it well…

It was after four on a Friday afternoon. I’d just cracked a Heineken and my thoughts were drifting away. I was snapped awake by the ding of email and rudely poked in the eye by your menacing red flag.

“Great news!” it read. “My boss has approved your proposal. The thing is though, she’s on holidays next week, so we’ll need it back first thing Monday. Have a great weekend!”

And, after a hard weekend ‘pulling out all the stops’, I realised you’d saved the best for last…

“Thanks for sending that through so quickly – I hope your weekend wasn’t too busy!? Pam didn’t end up getting a chance to look at it before she left, so it will have to wait a few weeks now.”

Still, at least I only had to make seven phone calls and wait 99 days for payment.

Now, all that’s left to do is add your shiny logo to the ‘clients’ page on my website.

I can then mention our ‘high-level strategic partnership’ to every single prospect I talk to from now until eternity.

Bestest!

Noel Ranger

Noel Ranger is a real Australian soloist operating a professional service business. Basically, if you pay his hourly rate he’ll pretty much do whatever.

7 comments | Add your own

Loved your article. I too have experienced similar. I now bill progressively and monthly any similar 'big' client as too many of them are good at 'projects going nowhere'. (You had me at your reference to Jerry Maguire). Cheers. Karen from Springwood NSW
Thx! I have to say I've never felt more Jerry Maguire than when I was on hold with the accounts department for the fifth time jumping up and down screaming "Show me the money! Show me the money!"... if only I looked more like Tom Cruise. Noel Ranger from Consultantville | Read my articles
Hi Noel - at least you're not Lone! The moral of the story? If you're not talking directly to the cheque signer, you're wasting your time. I've recently finished writing a book which puts a lot of focus on the subject of prospect qualification and will shortly be promoting it here at Flying Solo! Grant Hyman from Sydney | Read my articles
Noel - just brilliant! One thinks work with corporates will be so much better - but it may not be. Bureaucracy, anti-risk behaviour, multiple sign offs, delayed payments, squashed projects - and then they just steal your staff and take the project in-house. And you're left exhausted and bewildered!! Your article is on the money. Classic!! lol Karen from Crows Nest
Thanks a lot to Patrick from Perth who just got in touch to say that in his industry this common problem of losing lots of money chasing the ‘big one’ is described as 'BigCaseItis!’
Very nice. Perhaps “BigCaseItis” could be defined as a "...a nasty swelling around the revenue expectations area when dealing with corporate giants. Not a serious condition, swelling generally subsides quickly." Noel Ranger from Consultantville | Read my articles
Oh yes, been there, done that. But there are also those big and beautiful ones that get you in for a few months and keep you in work for years. I've learnt to hold lightly. Which works...most of the time. Louise from Brisbane
Nice article. A good reminder to start Counting when the money's IN the bank! Lindy Asimus from Newcastle NSW

7 comments | Add your own

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