Giving up the grudge

Sam Leader With resolutions in place and a strong sense of optimism, now is the ideal time to make a conscious decision to give up a grudge.

Grudges come in all shapes and sizes. Incidences behind them can range from the relatively petty to the criminal. Some, stemming from childhood, show remarkable staying power. This goes to show some of us can be surprisingly fond of our grudges.

Your grudge may be against a situation, another person or yourself.

You may be disappointed by a client’s lack of recognition.

You may be unable to forgive a friend who’s let you down.

You may feel inordinate anger against someone in power.

As entitled as you feel to hold on tight to your bone of contention, ask yourself, is it really worth it?

Every situation we choose to confront will give us an opportunity to learn something. If you can winkle out the lesson from your own personal grudge, you’re well on your way to freeing yourself from its stranglehold.

Because let’s be clear, we pay a price for refusing to let them go. Keeping grudges alive require little bundles of energy that could be channelled towards something way more productive. Like sticking to your resolutions, for example.

Rather than dipping into, or even wallowing in a pool of resentment, build a bridge and get over it. Explain to your friend why you’ve been giving them the cold shoulder and that you’re ready to move on. Tell yourself that your client’s lack of recognition reflects on them not you. Recognise that anger against those you disagree with is fuel for their power.

What grudge are you going to put to bed? Post a comment and let us know.

Until next time,

Love your work,

Sam

Sam Leader is a director of Flying Solo and its editor. She is the co-author of Flying Solo - How to go it alone in business.

22 comments | Add your own 1 2 3 4 | Next» View all»

First it must be said ... Welcome back Flying Solo! How we have missed you ... Re: grudges - I'm no good at holding on to things. I have a short attention span (some call it Adult ADD) - and my limited energy is best spent on other things ... the one person I do seem to be good at holding a grudge against, however, is myself. And that's my resolution for this year - to be kinder to Leela. After all, she deserves it. Leela. www.leelacosgrove.com Leela Cosgrove from Melbourne, Australia
Ooh thanks Sam - a great reminder of where we can find some more energy to free up for positive pursuits in 2008...
I'm going to give up being upset with an ex business partner... I've been mad at him since 2003.. far too long! Time to forgive, forget and move forward! Which reminds me of a beautiful definition - Forgiveness is the giving up of all hope... for a better yesterday. Karynne Courts from Sydney
I absolutely agree and thank you Sam for raising this witihin the context of a business blog. As soloists we tend to carry our personal lives into our work - it is part of what makes our offering unique. However holding grudges and other negatives can also carry into our businesses. Forgiveness gives unbelievable freedom to the forgiver not just the forgiven. Sofia - Joshua's Trumpet from Melbourne
Hi SAM - HNY!! Sounds good BUT its this very philosophy that lets conman Directors continually steal from investors and suppliers with the worst possible punishment being a fine the size of a parking ticket. Grant Hyman from Sydney | Read my articles
Thank you Sam! The grudge I wish to give up is against 'arrogant meeting dominator types'. As a quiet get-on-with-it type, I have let these people really frustrate me. My strategy is to speak up more in meetings and to research alternative meeting models which are more effective, less time consuming and less frustrating for the 'innocent bystanders' who find their day eaten up by the meeting monsters! Wish me luck. Del from Gold Coast
Ah - forgiveness! It requires the ability to surrender your personal feelings in order to bestow a blessing on another person. And if that sounds oversimplified - there's a process behind it. For me it started with hearing an international speaker (Nancy Dornan) say that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. The serendipity of forgiveness is, as Sofia has pointed out, freedom. Sue Booth from Sydney

22 comments | Add your own 1 2 3 4 | Next» View all»

Add Your comments

Preview comment

Name

Website *

Town / city and country

Email (never sold, displayed or given away)

* This will link your name to your site. So please avoid self promotion elsewhere! We delete spam, disrespectful or off-topic comments.