Knowing when to say sorry

Sam Leader Last year I wrote about the importance of apologising when you know you’re in the wrong. By doing so, you encourage feelings of goodwill and show you’re responsible for your actions.

So far so good.

However for this to be of genuine benefit, apologies must be made judiciously. I reckon this not only means saying sorry when it matters, it means not apologising unnecessarily.

The following are examples of unnecessary apologies:

“Sorry I can’t take your call.”

Hands up whose voicemail message starts like this? Thought so. To me this is a classic catchcry of those in the always available trap. Unless you want to give your caller a sense of entitlement and expectation, lose the apology.

Better: “Please leave a message and I will respond within…”

“I’m not the person to help you, I’m sorry.”

We attract a few tangential queries through the site. While I don’t mind pointing misguided folk in the right direction, I don’t need to apologise for being unable to advise on the likes of tax obligations, childcare grants and legal rights. Do I?!

Better: “I can’t help, but have you considered addressing your query to…?”

“Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays are tricky for me, I’m sorry.”

Better: “Best days for meetings are Mondays and Wednesdays.”

“Sorry to bother you.”

Better: “Is now an okay time to talk for five minutes?”

You may think it’s petty minded to quibble over one little word. But unless we’re careful, we can end up apologising for our entire existence.

Practise asking yourself “Am I genuinely sorry?” This kind of mindfulness shows great respect to yourself and your listener.

If you’re worried about sounding impolite, don’t be. I’d say the ‘better’ examples above sound assured, confident and together…not rude.

In the end, it’s about saying what you mean, which as I’ve discussed before is at the heart of being a great communicator.

Have I inspired you to change your voicemail message? Or am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Let me know.

Finally this week, a little reminder to those who have yet to undertake The 2008 Flying Solo Survey - in planning the evolution of our business it’s vitally important to hear what you have to say. Please hop onto the survey and help us to help you. It’s closing soon.

Feedback suggests the process is easy and enjoyable - you could even score an iPod shuffle for your trouble!

Until next time.

Love your work,

Sam Leader is a director of Flying Solo and its editor. She is the co-author of Flying Solo - How to go it alone in business.

28 comments | Add your own 1 2 3 4 5 | Next» View all»

Spot on Sam. I fall into the thank-you trap. I am actually extremely thankful - I work with lots of people at many levels and I am grateful that they are giving up there time that they could be doing other things to assist my business, or the voluntary groups I am associated with. I write, then I go through and pull out the thank-you’s from every paragraph. I don’t want my sincerity to sound insincere. Heather Smith from BRISBANE
Exactly! Spot on Sam!
A simple and highly effective little article.
Definitely one that will have me thinking about my language and what subtle messages I'm putting out there!
Thanks for raising this. Chris Owen from Melbourne
You're quite right, it needs to be appropriate otherwise it all becomes a bit meaningless. The signs I resent are those that add the words 'we apologise for any inconvenience'. They seldom have a sincere ring. Much like those stilted statements by wayward footballers trying to apologise to family and friends. When we all know they're only sorry for being caught! Robert Beattie from Canberra
Even more importantly than not saying sorry unnecessarily is saying sorry when it is required. For example if a promise is not kept, a deadline not met or when a customer complains. Along with problem resolution, an apology goes a long way towards recovering from a service failure. Megan. http://bellbirdwebsolutions.com.au Megan from Bellbird Web Solutions, NSW Central Coast
You have addressed one of my pet peeves Sam.
A genuine sorry when spoken from the heart is a very powerful statement and should not be diminished in any way.
Another often misused sorry is when you bump into someone accidentally and THEY say sorry. Joan Bell from Newcastle, NSW, Australia
spot on. I think some politicians could take a lead from this. robert from sydney

28 comments | Add your own 1 2 3 4 5 | Next» View all»

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