Do you know what you’re doing?

Sam Leader However self-aware you consider yourself to be, it’s surprisingly common to underestimate your effect on others.

In any social situation, most of us are adept at receiving signals from those around us. Our inner voice gives commentary like:

“She seems cheerful”
“He got out of the wrong side of bed!”
“I wonder why she’s so distracted today?”

Why is it, then, that when we think of a companion’s inner voice commentary as it relates to us, we feel distinctly uncomfortable?

The reason, I think, is most of us prefer to interpret incoming signals than focus on what we’re emitting to others.

For many of us, the last thing we are aware of is our effect.

I often show naivety whenever I learn the impact of something I have said and done.

It still knocks me sideways when a reader of Flying Solo -How to go it alone in business says it gave them the courage to go solo.

Equally, I am dismayed when a friend tells me a teasing remark of mine caused them to give away a new t-shirt they had bought.

While knowing how to interpret signals from others is a skill of fundamental importance, we must also be aware that others are constantly tuning in to what we say and do.

Once we recognise this, we can take full responsibility for our behaviour and actions.

I recommend those looking to hone an awareness of their influence start by showing good manners. Saying sorry, thank you and giving credit where it’s due will help you to attract and generate the positive interactions everyone needs to feel good.

Do you have any tips to share? Or stories about how an off the cuff remark has had a profound effect on you? Post a comment and let us know.

Finally this week, a huge thank you again to the 1,770 of you who took part in our survey. It was a fantastic response and we're busy analysing the results and will post a summary online in the coming weeks. Who won the five iPod Shuffles I hear you ask? Hurry to the homepage where the five winners are announced.

Until next time.

Love your work,

Sam Leader is a director of Flying Solo and its editor. She is the co-author of Flying Solo - How to go it alone in business.

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I was just chatting to a client who was having a difficult time as an employee. Shortly afterwards she went out solo. At the end of the year, she made a healthy profit. At that point she said to me "see, I'm not a wuss afterall". I don't remember calling her a wuss. Denise Maffey CA from Kumeu NZ
Well done Sam! It is wonderful to see a business leader talk about the importance of our actions and to take responsibility. I too am surprised by what people take away from what we do and say; it is an awesome responsibility. A colleague from a previous life, said that the final decision for her to go solo was due to something I had said. Her business is thriving just after 12 months. (This bring joy to my heart)
You have said we need to start by showing good manners- can I encourage all your readers to look at their email communication? We find a lot of businesses to be quite blunt and bordering on being rude; one client even types in capitals all the time and others have no greeting or signature at the end. At work we always try to take the extra time to make our communications polite and friendly, and now we are working on how often we need to communicate with our clients so they feel included in the our ordering process. We have had a very positive response so far! – Jack, www.promobasics.com.au Jack from PromoBasics, Newcastle
Love your work Sam. I have found it makes a difference asking how your customers are. Sometimes this can cross the business/personal barrier, but other times (and so long as you're genuine), the customer enjoys being asked and knowing that you care. It also relates to what Peter said in "Is Yours Beautiful" earlier this week, in that you need to be listening to your customers; there is no point asking them how they are if you are just going to be distant in your response. Encourage them in their work and they will be more encouraging back. And recall what they said, and ask it about that in the future - they will appreciate that you have remembered them! -Jess, www.zulugraphics.com.au Jess from Zulu Graphics, Newcastle
its funny, but i listen to good comments more so than negative ones, obviously when someone makes a negative comment i must take notice, but a positive comment can make the world of difference to my working day(or week!). When i hear a good comment, i then look at ways to improve what was commented on even more!
Wayne Densley http://www.threesixtydegrees.com.au Wayne Densley from Victoria
Years ago I gave notice on a job and a charming old man came in with a box of chocolates. I knew very little about him except his name and that he lived in the local retirement village. He told me that he'd been very sick and made to move from his home to the village in busy Melbourne where he felt ignored and out of place. Just coming into my shop and having me greet him by name and chat about his day as I served him apparently had made a huge difference to how he coped with his days. It floored me as I'd had no idea. It made me realise that you can be the angel in someones day without even knowing that what you're saying is making a difference. http://www.remayneunique.com.au Maree Lind from Ararat Victoria
Several months ago, I received an email from a guy in America; it said Heather YOU HAVE MADE MY DAY Mark. WOW I was thrilled to receive it. I now make a point of giving back that compliment once a day to someone. Like myself the recipient is quite chuffed to receive it. Heather Smith from Brisbane

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