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Hey Chris
I agree with the other comments but also it needs more colour. And I think the text colour should differ too – the text you really want them to read should be a different colour to the text showing your address and contact details. Also I believe the eye always goes first to the top right hand corner so that should be where your hook goes. I think also with ads that they always work better if you have some sort of novel visual – something to attract their attention rather than just text. Can you come up with a visual that will give people the idea of what you are trying to say rather than just say it in words? Eg if your message is make money – go onto istockphoto and type in those words and see what images come up.