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The Profit Frog
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John Kirk, post: 87959 wrote:
Interesting bunch of replies. Loss of arms through to fear of not being able to pay the mortgage.

So….no one thinks fear of success is a problem? What about all those celebrities who implode due to the pressure of success?

John,
Great question…

While I don’t know exactly what my “success” looks like – and therefore haven’t got a “thing” to fear (can’t fear what I can’t see) – I will dare to open up here and state publicly that my fear is Lack Of Credibility, built on a foundation of “Fear of Rejection” and of “never being good enough”.

Don’t panic – I won’t offload my fears here despite what a cathartic appeal it presents ;-)

I have had a few “moments” of late where I have seen ME – situations reflecting back to me just who I am or how I think I am.
For once, I saw that I never believed in my self enough in the years of employment to ever be offered a senior position. I hate to admit but I dare to consider that I sabotaged my entire career through a lack of belief in my own credibility and capacity (and I have also dared to see I have boatloads of capability to offer and draw upon).
It is a somewhat painfully sad yet quietly liberating realisation and tells me in LOUD and no uncertain terms why I have allowed The Profit Frog to sit sidelined while finally addressing my own “fears”.

One of the greater experiences to come of this self reflection of late is that I have finally met my mentor – someone who believes in ME and in my ability to write creatively.
About 14yrs ago, I attended a writing course and went home so inspired I penned my first novel.
It went through the usual rewrites and edits, and now is at the final draft.
BUT I never pursued getting it published because I had never believed in my credibility. Sheesh! I wrote a novel – all 300+ pages – and yet I didn’t believe in my credibility?
Man!
Today I can share that I have secured the genuine support of a very experienced and oft-published author as my personal mentor. He has already told me that technically I have no idea how to put a novel together BUT that I tell a great story… and in some cases can write very powerfully and emotionally!!!
Hah, I knew I had it in me !!!
He will give me instruction on how to construct the novel – and how to edit out the overwhelming detail that I seem to write with :-D

Beyond that I also contacted the person who runs the writing course and asked for help – and he has offered for a fee to read some of the book and my synopsis and provide me feedback to help me reach publishable standard.

Heck, the entire novel may need to be re-written BUT if that’s what it takes, BRING IT ON.

Do I have fear, now?
No. I do not fear at all that my novel may be rejected or criticised.
What I have had to face over the last few months due to some changed personal circumstances has taught me to look deep within myself and see who I am and who I will become if I continue to walk this path.
I have seen that my confidence had gone to sh*t on a shiny shovel (for want of more Aussie vernacular) and that I cannot expect more of myself if at first I don’t (1) have deepest gratitude for what I already have, (2) respect for myself and others at the deepest level, (3) relinquish criticism and judgment of myself primarily and others that definitely comes as a flow on effect and (4) start to trust… in me.

Don’t know if anyone can relate to this but I hope by sharing, I have helped others to realise they are not alone, OR given someone a little bit of faith to trust in his or her own worth.
It is hard, believe me.
I spent 4 decades feeling like I am not worth a wee bit of cr*p to anyone.
Hah – that is so sad, you gotta laugh :-)

It’s all good, my friends, and I know it.
Even my love life has “suddenly happened” – for the first time, I have met the man I want to share the rest of my life with (and it is so happily mutual we are like love-struck teenagers ;-))
I have the love of my life in my world and a chance to become a published author with my very own mentor and a deeper sense of connection to the ME that I always wanted to share with the world…
The Profit Frog will take direction from all of this once I have walked this new and interesting pathway and discovered the ME that no longer needs to hide behind any fear :-)

Ok my health needs a good kick – struck with the flu for the first time in 10yrs…
Add “superboosting my immune system” to my list of personal achievements.

And it will indeed be a Happy Birthday to me next week :-)