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Hi Erthling,

What an exciting time for you!!

I was surprised by the lack of content relating to your business.

95% of the information relates to your journey (which I do understand is an important part of your request) and only 5% discusses the business itself, which is what you’re seeking the funding for…

I’d encourage you to drop a significant component of the spiel focused on other matters and redirect the piece to the actual business and the passion you have for it…

And, is there anyway you can encourage people to donate by offering one of your products with every donation >$50-$100?!