Home – New Forums Tell me straight… Does this make sense? Please review my ‘about’ page.

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  • #982301
    LuckyDip
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    • Total posts: 50
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    Hi all,

    Just wondering if you could let me know any opinions/feedback/questions you might have after reading the below copy for my about page.

    I would like to know if it makes sense and is persuasive copy. My goal is not to write SEO copy but rather to write creative copy that is interesting and persuasive enough for you to fill in a contact form to enter the lucky dip.

    I will be adding more copy about myself but really want to get the personality and description right before I go ahead and write any more.

    Love to hear your thoughts.

    Like it or not, this is Lucky Dip Design – a cheeky but helpful graphic design business.

    Inspired by Frank Sinatra, Hot Chocolate, and Dirty Harry – Lucky Dip Design offers all the best caricatures, illustrations and logo designs in the world.

    And best of all I did it my way.
    Sit back and enjoy the ride as I give you my interpretation of your design request. I might do the odd double dip, but most often it’s a case of first impressions last.

    Everybody’s a winner babe, that’s no lie.
    The aim of Lucky Dip is to provide small businesses and people in general with professionally designed logos, illustrations and caricatures regardless of budget. There are no set prices so feel free to nominate a price that represents great value to you and that you feel would be fair and equitable to me.

    Are you feeling lucky punk?
    Well, are you?

    Enter the Lucky Dip and see what happens. All the best.

    #1136089
    CindyK
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    • Total posts: 155
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    Hi LuckyDip!

    I really don’t like the last one in terms of what it invokes when I read it. It makes me think that you come accross somewhat arrogant (for want of a better word). Like your saying, ‘use this company, if you dare, what you get is your issue, I really don’t care’. Obviously that is only MY take on it but it would steer me away quite fast.

    Of the other three – I think trying to combine the essential elements in each would give you the best one. About the cheeky aspect, about the first impressions and about the overall aim.

    Look forward to hearing other comments.

    #1136090
    victorng
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    I like it!

    The only bit that had me scratching my head was this line:

    LuckyDip, post: 154991 wrote:
    Lucky Dip Design offers all the best caricatures, illustrations and logo designs in the world.

    Cheers,
    Victor

    #1136091
    The Copy Chick
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    • Total posts: 963
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    I think it’s kinda fun and quirky and fits the rest of your site. If nothing else, I’d certainly be intrigued enough to find out more.

    The only bit that had me scratching my head was this line:

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by LuckyDip
    Lucky Dip Design offers all the best caricatures, illustrations and logo designs in the world.

    I’d also question claims about offering the best in the world… but otherwise… I like it :)

    #1136092
    LuckyDip
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    This is great feedback, thanks to everyone who has responded so far .

    CindyK: I will be adding some ‘about me’ copy that will hopefully defuse some of the perceived arrogance.

    victorng and The Copy Chick: Glad you like it! The ‘all the best…’ part is intended as mere puffery and is my effort at a play on words… I have recently adapted the phrase ‘All the best’ as my slogan which is short for “I wish you all the best of luck” and ties in nicely with the theme of a ‘lucky dip’ but is also a cheeky way of saying Lucky Dip Design is the best.

    I think I may tweak the copy to add in a message about trust… not the usual corporate hokey pokey “trust us, we’re the best” kind of trust but the opposite of that – I trust you the customer. How? Well, payment is not expected upfront – it is appreciated upon completion of the design (I won’t be giving away the hi-res artwork unless paid, but I will design it up front and trust the customer to come good on their nominated price).

    Love to have even more feedback if anyone is willing. Cheers.

    #1136093
    Divert To Mobile
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    • Total posts: 2,751
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    Hi LuckyDip,

    Its clever, I like it.
    Well done.

    Steve

    #1136094
    The Copy Chick
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    LuckyDip, post: 155077 wrote:
    The ‘all the best…’ part is intended as mere puffery and is my effort at a play on words… I have recently adapted the phrase ‘All the best’ as my slogan which is short for “I wish you all the best of luck” and ties in nicely with the theme of a ‘lucky dip’ but is also a cheeky way of saying Lucky Dip Design is the best.

    Even so, followed up by “in the world”, rather than conveying “all the best” as a sentiment of good luck, in this context it just seems a little self-important. It might be worth reworking that sentence to more accurately reflect the intent behind those words.

    #1136095
    RBB
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    • Total posts: 27
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    I love it, Lucky Dip!

    Great to see an about page with pizazz and personality, plus it’s really creative- as you’d hope a designer would be :)

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