Home Forums Wellbeing & balance Horrid experience with another business, still can’t get over it.

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  • #1000322
    writebychoice
    Member
    • Total posts: 21

    Hi, I’m new to FS. I though this would be the appropriate section to post this in. I need some advice, someone just to listen, some support and perhaps a good way of moving forward.

    I’m a new business start up. I’m in the setting up and getting ready to open my proverbial doors stage.

    I hired a localglocal designer to do some of my branding. I live in a very small town and only moved here a month ago.

    Our initial face to face meeting when ok. After that it just got worse and worse by the day. I couldn’t cope with it as well as I usually would as I was slowly starting to come out of a recent complete mental break down.

    I needed to ask her quite a few times to please send me an invoice. I had to ask her to please send me a time frame on deliverables. She changed the initial quote on me and charged me more with no discussion and no paperwork stating why the quote went up. She did not tell me why she wanted me to pay cash. She got snappy and short with me when I tried to organise a time with her to meet up in regards to the process of my branding.

    One would think she is a shonky person pretending to be a graphic designer. I assure you she is not. She has been a graphic designer for 18 years in this town, has a legit business and is well known.

    So, after four days of this, I couldn’t take anymore. I was feeling very stressed. I decided to send her a text message. I was polite, expressed what I felt and tried my very best to show I was willing to work with her in both of us having a nicer experience.

    I said that I had not been having a pleasant experience and that a few things she was doing was unprofessional. I stated that if there is anything I can do so we can collaborate together more effectively to let me know.

    Well, this is what I got back. She flat out blamed me for it all. She used gaslighting tactics to make me think she had not said certain things and doubt my own memory. She said things to me that would have the effect on someone that they are a bad person and should feel guilty. Kind of the after all I have done for you, this is how you repay me behaviour.

    She stated she had never been called unprofessional and that it was best if we go our separate ways. It was a very long text message.

    I held myself together and I did not retaliate. I communicated professionally and said nothing untoward or retaliatory. I did not take it lying down but I did act professionally and responsibly. I agreed with her that it was best we go our seperate ways.

    My thoughts were, you have not been called unprofessional because no one has ever told you to your face, except me.

    I have tried so hard to let it go and move on. It happened four days ago. I had no support when it happened. I had no one to turn to. I just crumbled inside because I was not in a position to cope. I still have not got over it.

    I have since found out from a business marketing executive in town that I had a meeting with about my business that she is well known for being unprofessional. She has heard many complaints but no one ever actually tells her, until I came along.

    I so want to move forward and get over it, I just don’t know how. I am trying.

    Thanks.

    #1223886
    Paul – FS Concierge
    Moderator
    • Total posts: 3,141

    Hi and welcome to Flying Solo.

    Well, I bet that wasn’t the way you envisaged kicking off your branding.

    The good news is that it is your money and you are taking it elsewhere.

    Sometimes, you run into people you feel are horrible. if you feel you don’t have enough support but need more, you local Doctor can help you by drawing up a plan and referring you to a specialist using Medicare.

    Out of that process, look for practical strategies for dealing with these kinds of interactions.

    Good luck.
    Paul

    #1223887
    writebychoice
    Member
    • Total posts: 21

    Hi,

    Thanks for your response. No it was not.

    Thanks for the heads up re doctors and such. That part is already sorted.

    Cheers,

    Lee

    #1223888
    bb1
    Participant
    • Total posts: 4,485

    So many red flags here, I am unclear why you let it go on for long.

    writebychoice, post: 270603, member: 118586 wrote:
    I needed to ask her quite a few times to please send me an invoice. I had to ask her to please send me a time frame on deliverables.

    Not really a concern yet, because we all operate on different priorities, but if you had set deadlines and she had agreed to them, then this is the first red flag.

    writebychoice, post: 270603, member: 118586 wrote:
    She changed the initial quote on me and charged me more with no discussion and no paperwork stating why the quote went up.

    Ok this is where you should have ended the business arrangement on the spot, sure I have changed quotes if the requirements have changed, but I let the client know why and even detail the expenses involved. The fact that you allowed her not to explain why is the problem, you should have ended it there and then. You are paying the money, you want a fully documented quote with details of changes. End of story.

    writebychoice, post: 270603, member: 118586 wrote:
    She did not tell me why she wanted me to pay cash.

    Sorry but if you dont know the answer to this one without being told then maybe you shouldnt be in business.

    writebychoice, post: 270603, member: 118586 wrote:
    She got snappy and short with me when I tried to organise a time with her to meet up in regards to the process of my branding.

    wow, and you still kept employing her, she didnt tell you why it cost more, and she got grumpy with you, sorry by now I would be out of here.

    writebychoice, post: 270603, member: 118586 wrote:
    One would think she is a shonky person pretending to be a graphic designer. I assure you she is not. She has been a graphic designer for 18 years in this town, has a legit business and is well known.

    Define shonky, sorry you dont have to be in business for 18 years not to be shonky and have a ”legit” business, gee what is a legit business.

    Take Pauls advise, but I think you also need to consider and review your approach to this as well, we can’t always blame the other business for problems, maybe sometimes we are responsible for outcomes as well. I know this is not what you wanted to hear, but there are always 2 sides to a problem, and we can’t always just blame the other side. And we should take every negative and turn it into a positive. Forget about her, yes she is a looser, but are you going to let it drag down your business and yourself. No jump up and say I can do better.

    #1223889
    writebychoice
    Member
    • Total posts: 21
    bb1, post: 270608, member: 53375 wrote:
    So many red flags here, I am unclear why you let it go on for long.

    Not really a concern yet, because we all operate on different priorities, but if you had set deadlines and she had agreed to them, then this is the first red flag.

    Ok this is where you should have ended the business arrangement on the spot, sure I have changed quotes if the requirements have changed, but I let the client know why and even detail the expenses involved. The fact that you allowed her not to explain why is the problem, you should have ended it there and then. You are paying the money, you want a fully documented quote with details of changes. End of story.

    Sorry but if you dont know the answer to this one without being told then maybe you shouldnt be in business.

    wow, and you still kept employing her, she didnt tell you why it cost more, and she got grumpy with you, sorry by now I would be out of here.

    Define shonky, sorry you dont have to be in business for 18 years not to be shonky and have a ”legit” business, gee what is a legit business.

    Take Pauls advise, but I think you also need to consider and review your approach to this as well, we can’t always blame the other business for problems, maybe sometimes we are responsible for outcomes as well. I know this is not what you wanted to hear, but there are always 2 sides to a problem, and we can’t always just blame the other side. And we should take every negative and turn it into a positive. Forget about her, yes she is a looser, but are you going to let it drag down your business and yourself. No jump up and say I can do better.

    bb1, post: 270608, member: 53375 wrote:
    So many red flags here, I am unclear why you let it go on for long.

    Not really a concern yet, because we all operate on different priorities, but if you had set deadlines and she had agreed to them, then this is the first red flag.

    Ok this is where you should have ended the business arrangement on the spot, sure I have changed quotes if the requirements have changed, but I let the client know why and even detail the expenses involved. The fact that you allowed her not to explain why is the problem, you should have ended it there and then. You are paying the money, you want a fully documented quote with details of changes. End of story.

    Sorry but if you dont know the answer to this one without being told then maybe you shouldnt be in business.

    wow, and you still kept employing her, she didnt tell you why it cost more, and she got grumpy with you, sorry by now I would be out of here.

    Define shonky, sorry you dont have to be in business for 18 years not to be shonky and have a ”legit” business, gee what is a legit business.

    Take Pauls advise, but I think you also need to consider and review your approach to this as well, we can’t always blame the other business for problems, maybe sometimes we are responsible for outcomes as well. I know this is not what you wanted to hear, but there are always 2 sides to a problem, and we can’t always just blame the other side. And we should take every negative and turn it into a positive. Forget about her, yes she is a looser, but are you going to let it drag down your business and yourself. No jump up and say I can do better.

    I am open to constructive criticism, as well as improving myself in business. I hope you are open to constructive criticism as well and improving yourself in business.

    First of all your post was full of judgement. If you had read my post properly, I did mention I was coming out of a nervous breakdown.

    I get you may have no idea what that may be like. You don’t seem interested in that, so, it is unnecessary for me to go into it with you. I suggest that perhaps you can learn to be compassionate and show some empathy. If you do not wish too, fine. It’s your choice. If you feel you are not capable, then I’d prefer you not respond. If you can’t say anything nice, do not say it at all.

    Furthermore, you don’t know everything. Yes, there is two sides to the story. I did take my responsibility and I did over the ensuing days ask myself what I learnt from it and how I can improve.

    So next time you feel you wish to judge someone and be destructive towards them then perhaps you should look at your approach towarda people?

    I don’t know you and I don’t know your history but hey, here is a news flash for you. Not everyone that goes into business had the fortune of a good life. I’m doing my best to make my life better and be better. So again if you want to tear someone down instead of building them up as well as providing constructive criticism, then I suggest you not respond to me at all.

    It is not worthy of reading your responses in this case otherwise and won’t.

    I wish you the best of luck in your further professional and personal development.

    #1223890
    Rowan@quaotic
    Participant
    • Total posts: 712

    I get that you are having a bad time but this is a forum where experienced people like Bert give opinions and advice, not a shoulder to cry on and empty empathy. Please take the comments as they were intended, it was not an attack on you.

    We can be blunt here but it is not personal, but to help people learn lessons and help them understand what to do next.

    being open to constructive criticism means that you have to actually listen to that criticism.

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