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  • #987350
    @HeatherSmithAU
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    Maybe not the best place to ask this question – but I would like some advice – how would you do with an over talker – someone who talks over you at meetings – and cuts off everything you say?

    #1162290
    John C.
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    Hi Heather,

    I think that depends on the dynamic of the relationship. Is the “overtalker” your peer, your manager, your subordinate, your potential client, your current client or your life partner?

    In each case I think my first response would be to bring the issue to their attention in a non-confronting manner and let them know how it makes you feel and that you expect the same opportunity to speak that you give them – quite often people like that don’t even realise they are doing it. Obviously how they react, and the dynamic of the relationship will dictate the next step.

    Cheers,
    John

    #1162291
    @HeatherSmithAU
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    John,

    Thank-you for your comment.

    I am a consultant working with a long standing client who I have a great relationship with.

    The over talker is a ‘new’ staff member.

    I hate having to have those sorts of conversations – thanks for you insights.

    Heather

    #1162292
    John C.
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    I feel for you – I hate those sorts of conversations too! They need to be had though, and the sooner the better.

    Is the new staff member the peer, superior or subordinate of the person who you normally deal with at your client’s company?

    I guess my first step would be as I said earlier – take the new staff member aside (buy them a coffee perhaps) and just let them know that you feel like you can’t get your point across when they cut you off mid sentence, and you would really like to find a solution.

    If they don’t respond well, and you have a good relationship with their manager, bring it up with them. If they are a good manager, and they value your business relationship, they will deal with the problem for you (in fact if they are a good manager they are probably already aware of it and would welcome your complaint in order to have a more compelling reason to deal with it!).

    Of course if this new staff member is a decision maker, and they respond poorly to your initial conversation, then you might have to consider letting them go as a client. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that.

    Good luck!

    John

    #1162293
    @HeatherSmithAU
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    John,

    The new staff member is the subordinate of the person who I normally deal with at the company?

    I will try and work up the nerve to do this :

    “I guess my first step would be as I said earlier – take the new staff member aside (buy them a coffee perhaps) and just let them know that you feel like you can’t get your point across when they cut you off mid sentence, and you would really like to find a solution.”

    Cheers

    Heather

    #1162294
    John C.
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    @HeatherSmithAU, post: 187551 wrote:
    John,

    The new staff member is the subordinate of the person who I normally deal with at the company?

    I will try and work up the nerve to do this :

    “I guess my first step would be as I said earlier – take the new staff member aside (buy them a coffee perhaps) and just let them know that you feel like you can’t get your point across when they cut you off mid sentence, and you would really like to find a solution.”

    Cheers

    Heather

    People are often unaware of their behaviour and how it affects other people, so there is a very good chance that this will work. If it doesn’t, then approaching their manager is your only real option.

    Good luck!

    John

    #1162295
    Jenny Spring
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    @HeatherSmithAU, post: 187538 wrote:
    John,

    Thank-you for your comment.

    I am a consultant working with a long standing client who I have a great relationship with.

    The over talker is a ‘new’ staff member.

    I hate having to have those sorts of conversations – thanks for you insights.

    Heather

    Hi Heather

    Aaah, this is frustrating, and it may be that the new employee is trying to prove their worth in front of their boss.

    Are you charging for your time with the client?

    I wouldn’t address this new employee yourself. It is the client’s responsibility to keep the employee ‘in place’.

    Yes, you definitely need to build a relationship with them, that is important. Multi-tiered relationships in companies are vital. However, if they talk too much in a meeting, then here is my suggestion:

    1. have an agenda written up and emailed to all participants prior to the meeting
    2. at the meeting, you hold the reponsibility of keeping to the agenda. simply say: “I’m concerned about keeping ontrack with the agenda. Lets go back to xxxx”, and steer the meeting back on course. Continue to do this whenever it goes off track.
    3. set a end time for the meeting – i.e. start at 2:40pm – finish at 3 pm.
    4. make comments like “I value your time, and I want to keep this meeting on track for you. Lets see if we can work to the agenda. I’ve allowed 20 minutes for this meeting”.

    Own the responsibility for the meeting, and the Agenda. Don’t own the reponsibility for the employee. Your client will appreciate your professionalism, and also respect your time. And I bet they are also frustrated by this person and don’t know how to handle it.

    My background is as a major account exec running sales meetings, If I didn’t keep them ontrack, we’d lose the deal! So it can be done, but you have to jump in the minute the conversation veers away from the agenda.

    And, finally, you will be treated as you allow others to treat you. Be clear about how you respect your customer’s time, and they in turn will respect your time.

    Jenny

    #1162296
    The Copy Chick
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    I usually just do that hand gesture that says “Just hang on a sec” and use a louder voice to say “Actually [Name], I hadn’t quite finished what I was saying. [Continue with point]…. Now, what was it you wanted to say?”

    May be a bit more aggressive, but it works for me.

    #1162297
    Marc D
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    I sort of agree with the Copy Chick but I go a bit further. I just ignore the interjection and keep talking till I’ve finished what I had to say. It works. Specially if they do it more than two or three times,then they just start to sound irrelevant. :)

    #1162298
    Justin Laju
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    Hi Heather

    The first step is to see this as a gift.

    Only when you can take responsibility for your own creation can you master this situation and any other.

    So, before you attempt to create an external solution – go within to create an internal one.

    The whole world is an illusion, a projection of your inner universe.

    So, I’d sit quietly and focus on your breath – visualise a nice scene (all to come to center and calm first) – and then I’d ask myself “how do i feel when the over talker over talks me?”.

    That is a massive question that you are overlooking. You are externalising the situation – and when you do that your power goes with it – because where your mind goes your energy follows.

    So, this is about you. Don’t blame them.

    When you do that – the whole situation is likely to change.

    You will come into compassion for the fact that the new staff member is insecure and feels they need to prove themselves (totally irrespective of whether they have that awareness at all).

    Once you ask that question – “how does it make me feel?”

    It makes me feel angry, hot, irritated – and is forcing me to internalise with thoughts and emotions – and suddenly the internal weather is stormy.

    My advice would be to delve deeper into this – seek an emotional release modality to deal with how it makes you feel. Only then will your external actions lead into a positive resolution. The other approach will just create more mess to exacerbate you.

    Have compassion for self first and then others.

    #1162299
    Justin Laju
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    The Copy Chick, post: 187612 wrote:
    I usually just do that hand gesture that says “Just hang on a sec” and use a louder voice to say “Actually [Name], I hadn’t quite finished what I was saying. [Continue with point]…. Now, what was it you wanted to say?”

    May be a bit more aggressive, but it works for me.

    I like what The Copy Chick has said here, Heather.

    It’s what I would want for you. But, The Copy Chick is a different cookie.

    She is outwardly living most of her life, both the positive and the negative.

    This being the outcome for you, the road for you is one of healing within first.

    For those that a used to internalising their negative thoughts because they “hate those types of conversations” – it is better to heal within first – and then you’ll feel safer to just extrovert the internal dialogue. And if you have healed well – the external dialogue will mirror the internal dialogue (which is hopefully in compassion and seeking resolution).

    You’ll probably forge a nice realtionship with the over talker from there – as they will most likely hold other beautiful gifts for you aswell.

    (Sorry for the piggy back, Copy Chick :))

    #1162300
    Glimmer
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    Heather… Can I stop you there…. (just kidding of course)…

    often when this situation happens… and often happen it does, the person doesn’t realise they are even doing it…

    I know we are all meant to be strong and be able to broach these conversations head on but sometimes we are not those type of people…

    One of my clients had a similar issue the other week and she found that by doing this is really helped… Rather than making it a conflict conversation between you and them… simply wait until they do it to other people in the conversation…

    Let them finish what they have to say and then turn back to the person they were speaking to originally and say to them quite softly and politely…

    “Sorry John I don’t think you had quite finished what you were say about…(whatever the subject was)… Please continue as I know we are interested in your opinion….”

    It actually begins to confront the person without actually confronting them… and you’ll find soon they will stop…

    HTH

    Peter Martin
    Business Consultant
    0421 802 821

    http://www.glimmermc.com.au

    #1162301
    Marc D
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    Justin Laju, post: 188218 wrote:
    Hi Heather

    The first step is to see this as a gift.

    Only when you can take responsibility for your own creation can you master this situation and any other.

    So, before you attempt to create an external solution – go within to create an internal one.

    The whole world is an illusion, a projection of your inner universe.

    So, I’d sit quietly and focus on your breath – visualise a nice scene (all to come to center and calm first) – and then I’d ask myself “how do i feel when the over talker over talks me?”.

    That is a massive question that you are overlooking. You are externalising the situation – and when you do that your power goes with it – because where your mind goes your energy follows.

    So, this is about you. Don’t blame them.

    When you do that – the whole situation is likely to change.

    You will come into compassion for the fact that the new staff member is insecure and feels they need to prove themselves (totally irrespective of whether they have that awareness at all).

    Once you ask that question – “how does it make me feel?”

    It makes me feel angry, hot, irritated – and is forcing me to internalise with thoughts and emotions – and suddenly the internal weather is stormy.

    My advice would be to delve deeper into this – seek an emotional release modality to deal with how it makes you feel. Only then will your external actions lead into a positive resolution. The other approach will just create more mess to exacerbate you.

    Have compassion for self first and then others.

    or you could just tell them to shut up

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