Home Forums Starting your journey Please review GoFundMe write up

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  • #991368
    erthling
    Member
    • Total posts: 11

    There are a lot of people here with experience in writing articles that I just don’t have. I’d appreciate any advice I can get on the following write-up – be as honest as you like, I’m not a sissy !!! Thankyou so much:

    Hi family, friends, and family-friends

    I would like to start up my own business. I love to use my creative ability and make jewellery. So, I decided to give it a go and applied to get into the NEIS program.
    I was accepted into the first part of the program, which is to do Certificate III in Micro Business. I had 10 weeks to complete the course, but I finished it in 5 and passed every unit with flying colours. I only say this to show my determined spirit and dedication – not to show off. Once you have completed the first part of the program your idea is put in front of the NEIS panel and provided all financials are solid, you are selected. My financials are very good, and my idea should be put toward a panel in around a month. There is a catch though:

    As with most Government related initiatives, to get into the second part of the NEIS program is very difficult for many people. You have to have been in receipt of government benefits for a while – but to get into the NEIS program you are expected to have the start up costs for your business. How does a person achieve this when the government don’t pay enough to live on in the first place?

    So I have started a GoFundMe account, in the hopes that my family and friends will donate to help me achieve my dreams. Please donate and give me a chance to earn money doing what I love and to give my son a better life.

    Here is the link to my account: http://www.gofundme.com/sparklydreams

    #1181242
    bb1
    Participant
    • Total posts: 4,485

    Personally I would drop the line “How does a person achieve this when the government don’t pay enough to live on in the first place? “, as this is a matter of opinion, and a lot of people (even your family and friends) may disagree with the line. I have found it is never a good idea to publicly say bad things about an employer (past or present), or people providing you with an income. Your friends next week may just say well she isnt happy with what the government gives so why would she be happy with my $25.00.

    Just my opinion

    #1181243
    3ntr3pr3n3ur
    Participant
    • Total posts: 46

    Hi Erthling,

    What an exciting time for you!!

    I was surprised by the lack of content relating to your business.

    95% of the information relates to your journey (which I do understand is an important part of your request) and only 5% discusses the business itself, which is what you’re seeking the funding for…

    I’d encourage you to drop a significant component of the spiel focused on other matters and redirect the piece to the actual business and the passion you have for it…

    And, is there anyway you can encourage people to donate by offering one of your products with every donation >$50-$100?!

    Regards,

    Alan

    #1181244
    erthling
    Member
    • Total posts: 11
    3ntr3pr3n3ur, post: 211503 wrote:
    Hi Erthling,

    What an exciting time for you!!

    I was surprised by the lack of content relating to your business.

    95% of the information relates to your journey (which I do understand is an important part of your request) and only 5% discusses the business itself, which is what you’re seeking the funding for…

    I’d encourage you to drop a significant component of the spiel focused on other matters and redirect the piece to the actual business and the passion you have for it…

    And, is there anyway you can encourage people to donate by offering one of your products with every donation >$50-$100?!

    Regards,

    Alan

    Thanks Alan!

    Yes, I seem to have a natural ability when it comes to customer relations, organisational skills, creative tendancies, etc – but when it comes to writing about myself – well I just bomb out completely.! Which is why i submitted my write up. Not getting too many replies – probably because it is so stupid, that no one dares comment!!! 😮

    By the way – what a wonderful idea – i think I will give everyone that donates an item of jewelery as thanks. Thank you so much for that tip.

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