Want to share your about page?

[Kelly Exeter FS Editor]

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Easily the most popular post on our site this year is this one from Bernadette Jiwa: http://www.flyingsolo.com.au/marketing/business-writing/6-about-page-mistakes-youre-probably-making (6 About page mistakes you’re probably making.)

I’m embarrassed to say that before reading Bernadette’s post, this is what my business’s About page had on it: http://www.swishdesign.com.au/our-story/

But AFTER reading Bernadette’s post, we’ve re-written and redesigned it to be this (work-in-progress!): http://www.swishdesign.com.au/about-2/

Does your about page need some attention? Care to share a before and after?

[MyGreatIdea]

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Wow Kelly, that’s a great improvement !!

I did read the article and revamping my about us page is on my to-do list…may be a good Easter weekend job.

Wendy

[Kelly Exeter FS Editor]

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Thanks Wendy! Still a work in progress but this version is much better than the original! And redoing an About page sounds like a great Easter project!

[1911naomi]

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Wow that’s really good. Did you write it yourself?

I paid a copy writer to write mine as I’m hopeless and un-imaginative with words but I’m not 100% sure I like it. (Copy writer not from this forum)

We went back and forward and made acouple of changes, I’ll post mine to get some feedback:)

I think from reading the above advice it’s too much about the product then me.

The copywriter also put in keywords

Oh, and Jason be kind:)

The Creation of BoBo&Boo Bamboo Dinnerware for children
When my little boy started eating solids, I began to consciously minimise his exposure to toxins and plastics and when he was 14 months old I started searching for affordable natural dinnerware. Nothing within my budget seemed good enough.
One day during mealtime the idea hit me.
What if I could offer quality plastic-free eco-conscious dinnerware – that actually looks chic, instead of the usual kiddie prints? Could I put something unique on the market that everyday parents can afford?
I’d been thinking about starting an online business to give me the opportunity to stay at home with my son, but I didn’t want to sell anything average. It had to be something special.
So, BoBo&Boo; biodegradable bamboo dinnerware was born.
Fittingly branded after my sons Nick name, he was the inspiration behind my creation. His fresh face drove the excitement and passion to make this elegant natural product available to all familes.
BoBo&Boo’s simple contemporary children’s dinnerware is 100% biodegradable and made from bamboo. The sets come with a bowl, plate, cup, spoon and fork and are made with attractive non-toxic materials. I enjoy this eco-friendly option to keep my little one away from plastics during meals, and I know you will too.
The multiple benefits of limiting the amount of plastics for growing bodies are becoming more recognised by aware consumers and as a result the choices on the market are increasing daily. However, I’ve found through research that some products available don’t live up to their claims. BoBo&Boo is a fantastic alternative.
Not only are these great for our kid’s health, they’re also affordable and environmentally friendly for a more sustainable future.
Packaged with 100% recyclable materials, BoBo&Boo bamboo dinnerware sets make a great gift for your environmentally inclined friends and family.
I’m so thrilled to be able to share it with other health conscious parents. I hope you enjoy mixing and matching colours for your décor.
Please keep your eyes peeled for BoBo&Boo Twin sets – coming out soon.

[Kelly Exeter FS Editor]

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Hey Naomi – yes I wrote it myself … but then I’m a writer!

With your about page, your Copywriter has done a great job using storytelling to create engaging copy for that page. Some tweaks I would suggest:

1. Start off with something that is all about the person reading and then,
2. Segue into the story about your product.
3. (This is a little counterintuitive but) take as much of yourself out of your story as you can and turn it back around to the reader.

Something along the lines of:

Hey there! If you’re here then it’s likely you’re a health-conscious parent looking for dinnerware for your kids that is not just safe and free from toxins, but also environmentally friendly and sustainable.

That was certainly the position I found myself in when my little boy started eating solids. It was around that time that I began to consciously minimise his exposure to toxins and plastics so I started searching for affordable natural dinnerware. I was also pretty keen for some stylish options too!

Nothing within my budget seemed good enough so one day during mealtime the idea hit me.

What if I could create quality, plastic-free eco-conscious dinnerware – that actually looks chic, instead of the usual kiddie prints? Could I put something unique on the market that everyday parents could afford?

That’s the short story of how BoBo&Boo was born.

Specially created for parents who are becoming more aware of the need to limit the amount of plastics we’re exposing our kids’ little, growing bodies to, BoBo&Boo’s simple contemporary children’s dinnerware is 100% biodegradable and made from bamboo.

*** A little bit of ‘why bamboo’

Then finish up with something about the person reading rather than something salesy. Maybe an invitation to come join your community on Facebook/join your email list (but offer them something tangible to join like a free factsheet)

[Author]

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