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Wellbeing

Funny business: Your burning questions answered

If you’re perched smugly at your pristine desk smashing through your prioritised to-do list, good on you. For the rest of us, here’s some answers to the obscure soul-searching questions soloism can bring. Apologies in advance to those selling unicorn tears.

By

selling unicorn tears

It’s Friday. Where can I find my motivation?

Try behind the fridge, or at the back of the pantry (behind the beans).

My clients call at all hours demanding help with ‘urgent’ issues. How do I stop this?

Take your client parachuting. Disable their parachute. Hold up a sign mid-air that says: THIS IS WHAT URGENT LOOKS LIKE!

How can I save money?

Stop buying notebooks. It’s all going on cute notebooks. The first step in getting help is admitting you have a problem.

Is ‘freelancer arse’ a real thing and what can I do about it?

Yes, it is a known issue. It’s largely caused by working harder than ever, not walking to the bus stop, having no one to go for a morning tea walk with and not getting up to the photocopier as often.

"Take your client parachuting. Disable their parachute. Hold up sign mid-air that says: THIS IS WHAT URGENT LOOKS LIKE!"

No magic bullets here – you’ve got to start looking after yourself. You know that saying about treating yourself like your own best friend? Flip it and try taking care of yourself as if you were the star employee who brings in ALL your revenue.

How can I plan my professional development when it’s just me?

Start by thinking about what you’d ask for if you weren’t paying…

  • A 2-week mindful business retreat
  • An international conference with all-you-can-eat catering
  • A 3-week course on basket-weaving as a metaphor for business planning

Then, scale that back, and scale that back again…

  • One weekend away in April with only 2 deadlines and 7 emails per day. Sold.

Should I register for GST?

Ask your accountant. If you don’t have an accountant, probably not.

How do I remind myself why I left a corporate life for the tightrope walk of small business?

Tailgate into a CBD office. Follow group into conference room. When no one asks who you are by the end of the two hour meeting, remember the soul-suckery. And you may now be on the kitchen roster. And if you decide two hours in air-conditioning without a need to contribute is just what you need in life, have at it.

Someone in my industry I admire has great blogs. Can I just grab their content and tweak it to make it my own?

No. Because plagiarism, moral bankruptcy and the death of all good things. Inspiration is an entirely different animal to theft. If your stomach tells you no, it’s probably holding your moral compass. Listen to it.

Everyone seems to be writing ‘metaphor’ business articles… ‘what XYZ taught me about business’. Should I write an article about what getting to level 373 on Candy Crush has taught me about persistence?

No.

I have $8.23 in my bank account. Is it time to take the leap on my business dream and trust the universe will provide?

No.

How do I get more people to like my Facebook page or read my blogs?

Get your mum to create 391 new online accounts. It may require multiple IP addresses, but that’s mum’s problem. Your next Flying Solo article will slay in the shares. And the comments… Mum! You’re making me blush.

Why do I smell?

You haven’t showered in three days, animal.

Should I post Snapchat filtered pics on platforms that aren’t Snapchat?

No.

Should I give up my dream of a full-time income from my online store selling bottled unicorn tears?

Yes. Think side hustle.

That’s it for now. Any questions?

Amanda Vanelderen

is the author of Write Better: How To Cut The Crap And Say What You Mean, an illustrated guide to everyday writing. Copywriter at WorkWords, she’s a news junkie and music lover. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram and Linkedin.

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