The great value of hiring a coach is that they are able to facilitate a clean conversation. That is one without any judgment or their own agenda. The moment this happens, it is totally safe to come out of hiding and be honest about your current reality.
However, you are also able to do this very thing for yourself.
The big mistake when it comes to having conversations about change, is the faulty assumption that we need someone to bring maximum support and care for us during the process.
This leads to reaching out to friends and family to help us get unstuck and to feel better about ourselves.
The problem is that those who care about us are incapable of holding a clean space. Their own sense of wanting something better for you clouds the conversation and brings inevitable judgment
We all want our friends and family to be happy and make great choices. It’s a natural desire we have towards those we love and care about. Yet interestingly, all the wanting in the world doesn’t actually produce any real change. In fact, wanting someone to change, grow or make healthy choices may be the least effective way of positively influencing them to change. It positions them as the expert and sets expectations for what is right and wrong, good and bad.
This is the opposite of a clean space.
In fact, this ‘dirty’ space makes it unsafe to come out of hiding and fully step into the light. (practice 1 of 7)
In order to make lasting change, you have to see your current reality with precision and clarity. You can’t change what you cannot see. However, it is impossible to do self awareness in the presence of judgment! It simply is too dangerous to be completely honest and vulnerable if there is a possibility that what you’ll reveal will be judged as somehow bad, wrong or disappointing.
Here are 3 keys for you to set up a clean – judgment free space for yourself today.
- Understand that Self judgment is simply an attempt to protect yourself from the judgment of others. It is a pre-emptive strike to take yourself down so that others cant. The beautiful thing is that we only protect that which we deeply value, so your self judgement is actually evidence of self love.
- Make a strong intention to love yourself in the best way possible rather than the worst. As an adult It is entirely possible to love yourself in more creative ways than protecting yourself from the real or imagined judgement of others. Viewing your own issues with curiosity and objectivity is one of the most loving things you could ever do.
- Practice the subject/object switch. That is, step out of your own subjective view of your life into an objective one. Every moment spent being objective and dispassionate about your own life leads instantly to more awareness and more choice You can do this by using 2 pens, two journals, two seats or two rooms. See your life through your own eyes first, and then switch to a clean position.
This post was written by Jaemin Frazer and is republished here with permission.