Melbourne, Australia has gone back into 6 weeks of enforced lockdown due to the increasing number of covid cases. I am not here to explore why we are back in lockdown or who is to blame or not to blame or whether it is a political conspiracy or something weird to do with not immunising your children or signing up to 5G, or to moan about being confined to my lovely home with a garden when I know many are not so lucky. I am just here to share some personal reflections on how god damn challenging lockdown feels this time.

As a generally half glass full sort of woman, I am going to put my hand up to admit that my glass is running a little low right now:

I am really, really tired.

I feel like I am working all of the time.

I run my own business and the hustle just keeps getting harder.

Hustle, hustle, hustle.

I think I need to name my computer – after all, we spend so much time together. I will call him Ted: ‘Hi Ted, it’s me again. Let’s hang out some more Ted because 12 hours a day just doesn’t feel enough’.

I worry about going to the supermarket too often. Will they notice that I was here yesterday? But then, what are these other 1000 people doing here right now? Shouldn’t they be at home? Shouldn’t I?

I worry about buying toilet paper – will someone judge me? I mean, I actually need toilet paper as I am down to my last 2 rolls, but I am nervous that if I carry that big bloody 30 roll pack to the checkout, someone will yell at me, tackle me or curse at me under their breath.

And so, I buy the 4 pack of toilet paper so as not to look like a hoarder, and that then runs out after 5 minutes, and I am back at the whole start of the toilet paper dilemma thing.

My daughter goes back to school next week and I am worried about her catching the train. I want her to wear a face mark but she is 16 and when I suggest this to her she merely rolls her eyes, and then treats me like I am hoarding toilet paper (a bit of yelling, tackling and cursing under the breath).

It is raining and so I would not have exercised outside anyway, but that does not make me feel any less housebound.

When I do exercise, each person I pass looks at me like I am a carrier.

When I do exercise, I look at everyone I pass like they are a carrier.

I am contemplating buying a cloth face mask and actually spend an hour or so with Ted googling fashionable face masks. A term I never thought I would google. Ever.

I have started another jigsaw – this is something I used to love pre lockdown, but now it feels like a chore.

I am feeling unreasonably angry with lockdown rule breakers. When my son suggested he wanted a last minute catchup with 4 mates prior to lockdown being reinforced I literally lost my shit. 

Why are clothes shops even open?

Why is the florist open?

Why is the cafe at the beach open with a queue of 5000 people waiting ‘1.5m’ apart for their coffee?

Should I continue to run the heater all day every day and pay an exorbitant energy bill or should I sit with Ted in my puffer jacket under a doona? 

Is it OK to work from bed?

How many meetings can I have on Zoom today and still look interested/ fresh/ awake/ energised/ warm?

How many times can I say in one day ‘Can you see me? Can you hear me? Hang on…something is going on with my audio. I can hear you, but I can’t see you? Ahhhh, technology, gotta love it.’ 

Kill me now.

Why didn’t I invest in bio-tech or Zoom shares in February?

How many billions of people across the world work up on January 1 and thought ’This is MY year!’ And genuinely believed it.

I did. 

My daughter has agreed to wear a scarf on the train. I know for a fact that she is humouring me and will most like hug, kiss and sit on top of 800 of her closest friends.

The postman no longer stays for a chat. Today he beeped the horn as he drove up the driveway and literally threw the package towards the front door without getting out of his van.

One day I can’t get milk. The next day it’s sugar. The next day it’s flour. The next day it’s salt and vinegar chips – why hoards chips?

I miss watching the football on TV.

I don’t even like the football.

I do find it amusing when the ‘fake footy crowd audio’ during covid football does not quite match what is happening in the game. 

Who on earth would pay for a cardboard cut out of their face to sit in an empty football stadium as a pretend spectator? 

Ted will know how much that costs – must Google it.

Hustle, hustle, hustle!

This time exactly a year ago Facebook reminds me I was in Bali with my family. Thank you Facebook.

C’mon I have 6 weeks to completely redesign my life, my business, my product range, my house, my friends, my wardrobe, my garage, my kitchen, my cupboards, my bathroom, my bookcases, my undies drawer.

I can learn to cook.

I can learn a language.

I can binge watch Game of Thrones.

I can do yoga, dance, meditate, work-out, learn, explore, travel, go to the opera, visit the Louvre, shop until I drop – all from the convenience of my living room with Ted.

I don’t think I will do any of the above. I might just have a nap.

I know, I know – I am safe, healthy and live in an amazing country – I get it. I am lucky and privileged – but to be honest, lockdown 2 sucks.

Kate Christie is a time management specialist, speaker and the best selling author of several books. Her most recent book ‘Me First: The Guilt-Free Guide to Prioritising You is out now